"Why not now?" or, how to improve your life by not leaving things for later.

A few months ago I read a sentence in a blog post somewhere on the internet where the author had set something on the stairs to put away later. The author then looked at the mess and asked herself, why not now? That one little line in an otherwise unrelated blog post really had me thinking about all of the things in life that I put off until later.

Sometimes I think that people do themselves a huge disservice by putting things off. I know I catch myself doing it all of the time—telling myself that I'll have time later, or worse that I am too busy now. Inevitably, after I have told myself to put something off, I really am too busy later—what starts as a few books tucked away on the stairs, ends up becoming a pile that is threatening to take me out with it when it falls.

OK. That last statement is an exaggeration of sorts, but wouldn't it be better if we all simply started addressing our problems now—instead of later? It is a philosophy that I have silently embraced in my life at home. When I see something, I try to pick it up. When there is a dish in the sink, I do my best to put it in the dishwasher. If something is broken, or could be improved, I just let myself fix it.

Now that I have been letting myself clean, and put things away, I have been happier. Life is simpler when things are clean, organized, and put away. Obviously the house still has its problem areas—like the muddy mud room, or the room with the litter box in it—but when life is simpler, it is easier to be happy and to let yourself relax. Taking care of the problems now keeps them from bothering you later.

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Speed, Your Blog, and Why it is So Important.

Recently I blogged about switching to a new blogging platform. In this post I mentioned how fast the new platform was, and how I had reduced the amount of working parts in the system significantly. The act of switching from WordPress to Ghost sped up my blog, which is more important than a lot of bloggers realize.

As bloggers, one of the most important things we try to do is engage new readers. We do this through networking with other bloggers, link exchanges, and writing posts with content that has staying power. (People aren't going to be googling and finding us for what we had for lunch that day because most of us aren't famous and most people don't care.) Writing relevant content for what people are searching for is the most important part of getting visitors from search engines, but something people don't realize is that content isn't the only important aspect of search rankings.

We have all seen it before—that one blog that has many flashy aspects, moving parts, and a style sheet to be envied, but here is one problem though, it is slow. Website speed is also considered when a search engine like Google is choosing what to display first. You may have content that is relevant, but Google isn't going to show it near the top if your website is slow to load—or even worse, your website fails to load at all. We all know that if you aren't on the first page for a keyword, you may as well not be in the results at all, but what can you do?

Switching to a new blogging platform probably isn't the best way to speed up your blog while also increasing your page views. When I switched to Ghost, my blog actually dropped off of Google entirely. The reason for this is that my content URLs were no longer the same and all of my pages were throwing out errors. While I knew this would happen, and I was OK with it, if you're already running a high traffic website you either need to be more careful or you need to seek out other options.

There was a lot of great ways to lower your page load times.

  • Use a CDN like CloudFlare for static content
  • Enable server-side compression
  • Lower the amount of WordPress plugins you're using
  • Move render blocking scripts to the end of the template
  • Compress your images
  • Move to a webhost that isn't egregiously slow

Not only will increasing page speed help increase your search ranking results, but it will also stop people from giving up on your website after they've already arrived. Nobody likes a slow web page, and even if you're actually interesting your visitors probably don't have time to wait around. The technology bloggers have available to them now is excellent, but we need to cut out the fat in order to retain and grow our readership.

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"How to Twitter" or Why you need to forget your misconceptions.

Regularly, I see some opinions that irk me. "Twitter is stupid." "I don't understand the point of Twitter." "I already have Facebook, why do I need Twitter..." As an avid Twitter user, I find these thoughts off-putting.

When Twitter first came onto the scene, a lot of people brushed it off as silly. Facebook had already launched, and was quickly becoming the new "MySpace"—that is, the one social network that would dominate the industry over the next decade. While Facebook was taking over the social networking space, Twitter was developing into something else.

Twitter quickly became to be described as a "microblogging" service—kind of like a super short form Tumblr of sorts. (Fun fact, Twitter shortly after launch wasn't alone in the "microblog" market like it is now. A few competing services launched but have since fizzled out.) I think that this description is where a lot of misconceptions about Twitter began. Twitter is not just a Facebook wall, and it isn't a great way to chronicle your life like a blog—but it doesn't need to be. Twitter is a tool, and there isn't another one like it anywhere.

I like to think of Twitter as a conversation. It's dynamic and shifting. No day on Twitter is ever the same. If you have an opinion, simply voice it—it will be heard. Following someone doesn't imply any kind of social contract like friendship—it only implicates interest. Connections are fleeting, and that is OK. Best of all, strangers don't think it is weird when you chime in on their conversations.

I firmly believe that most of the troubles people have when rationalizing Twitter arise when they try to treat it like Facebook. Twitter isn't and will never be Facebook. What Twitter is is a valuable, unique, and multigenerational soap box—anybody can step up and contribute. When people treat Twitter like its competitors, they're opening themselves up for failure.

Twitter doesn't care about your lunch, and that's what makes it great.

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Ghost

For a long time I have been looking at different options for a blog backend. I have tried many different services from Squarespace to Tumblr. I've experimented with entire theme platforms on WordPress as well as free and paid themes. Nothing felt right. Some services were too complicated, while others were simply too simple. I needed something that allowed me to tinker with my server while at the same time not feel like it was being held together by the skin of the proverbial teeth.

After what has literally been years of testing, experimenting, poking and prodding I think I have found the right mix of simplicity, polish, stability and nerd. It isn't a simple shared cPanel host, or Tumblr, or a dedicated server or even WordPress. It's Ghost, running on my virtual server. Some of my fellow bloggers probably don't know what ghost is, and most of them probably don't care. What works for them works for them—but I am not them.

For the better part of two I have been running my blog on WordPress exclusively. WordPress is a bit of a resource hog, and therefore I always served it with Nginx instead of Apache. (I have a small virtual server, I need to be able to maintain stability during times of heavy load.) What I ended up with was a good portion of a working WordPress install that would frequently throw out random errors while composing posts. On top of that, WordPress itself was just not very intuitive.

The solution I settled on is called Ghost. Ghost is a blogging platform—that's it. It isn't for people who want to run a florist's site and a blog or a community and a blog—it's just for blogging, and it is sleek in the process. Instead of a clunky and bloated writing interface, we get an awesome two paned Markdown editor. (I've blogged about Markdown in the past, it's fantastic. You should try it.) Instead of a shitty convoluted theme system, Ghost provides a templating system similar to what was offered on early blog systems like Greymatter. The end result is a system that isn't bloated, and is easily customizable by anyone with knowledge of HTML.

All things considered, Ghost isn't for everyone. It runs on Node.js. There is no PHP here. The majority of webhosts simply do not support it, but since I manage my own server this wasn't an issue. I installed the software I needed, trounced through some configuration files and had it up and running in about an hour, with it being fully configured in less than a day. (Mind you, I already had a fully configured Nginx install serving my WordPress blog, so the install and configuration step was a bit easier.)

The system is fast—ridiculously so. The amount of working parts was reduced from five to two, creating an even faster setup than existed before. It's a win for me. Now all I need to do is find something better than Disqus for the comments.

Also, it's fucking cool.

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I used to blog.

I used to blog.

I used to blog with such grace and fervor bitches were all like “damn, this motherfucker is majestic.” (That may be a slight exaggeration.) I don’t blog much anymore. One might look at the archives and see that I haven’t blogged in almost a year. One might be overly critical. One might also be a unicorn, and if one is a unicorn please write. That shit is fabulous.

I have some mostly OK reasons for the silence.

First, I’m a grown ass man and I do what I want. Second, the amount of negativity that blogging over the last year would have sent forth into the world would have been an insurmountable deluge of filth. With the combination of the loss of loved ones, family tensions, and really uncomfortable shoes I found it best to just take a break. Nobody wants to read my dirty laundry, I am not that delusional. (I am however self absorbed enough to think maybe one or two people might have liked it. We all have our demons.)

Third, too much has been going on for me to just sit down and write about it all. I started a new job. We bought a house. I received a lateral promotion in aforementioned job from part time to full time. We got a new dog, and fed the old one to it.

Just kidding.

Jokes aside, it has been a really exciting and stressful year that can probably be summed up in one word: Fuck.

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Splash

Today I brought my car in to get a bunch of work done I’d been putting off. (Break and transmission fluids, coolant, timing belt, and the fuel system service.) The time estimate was about 7 hours, so I left the dealership and bussed back downtown. (It was cold so I hopped on the link and read my book for an hour or two. I love trains, deal with it.) When I was finished doing that I hopped on a bus again and rode it to get some froyo, because I love froyo. At about three in the afternoon I rode the bus back to the dealership where I waited for my car, naturally it wasn’t going to be finished on time so I went to go ride the bus back home.

On my walk to the bus stop, trouble struck. Actually it was a puddle of water, and by struck I mean an asshole bus driver ran right over it as I was walking by. I was soaked. Normally I’d have just shrugged it off, except that the bus was driving on the shoulder. It didn’t even stop at the next stop. So the driver wasn’t paying attention.

I called the dealership and asked if they could get me a rental and they did. I didn’t want to wait at the bus stop covered in dirty road water. In the cold.

The rental agency gave me a Nissan Altima. It’s huge, ugly and has too many buttons.

I want my car back. Fortunately I won’t have to wait much longer, it should be done by ten tomorrow.

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$0.44

In two days I’ve earned $0.44 doing something that I do all of the time. Unlocking my phone. My husband? An entire dollar. It doesn’t seem like much but it’s basically free money. We’ll find out if it’s legit in about three months when the funds become available to be transferred to our bank accounts. The price? Displaying ads on my lock screen and giving my Facebook profile information to complete strangers. I mean, fuck, I do that anyway so why not get paid? Those strangers? They appear to be four adorable young asian men—but who knows, they could be horrible fat ugly women for all we know…this is the internet. The app is Slidejoy and you should download it.

I’ve earned 88% of a gum ball. I can already taste it.

(I swear, nobody is paying me to write this. I’m just legitimately stoked about freeish money.)

At the moment I’m sitting on the couch in my pajamas, eating ice cubes listening to the sultry sounds of Bon Iver and contemplating life, and cold teeth, amongst other things. I should write a book. Perhaps about the cramp in my foot right now. Or maybe about the cheeseburger I just ate. Or maybe about how sad it is that that’s what I have to write about. My life is easy, so I can’t write about that. The story of some middle class asshole eating cheeseburgers, who’d read that? Fuck me, you’re already reading it.

…Fuck you?

It’s Katy Perry time.

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iPhones don't fly.

Levi broke my phone. (Broke is probably more closely described as obliterated, but in an attempt to minimize hyperbole I chose to write broke. Deal with it.) It’s no secret to anybody that I loved my yellow iPhone, so much that I paid for it unsubsidized even though I had a perfectly good iPhone before I bought it. (I hope that sentence didn’t annoy you as much as it annoyed me. Yeah, I’m that guy.) But it’s all over now. What started as a small lover’s quarrel quickly turned into a spectacle involving one banana colored telecommunications device flying through the air to its doom.

It was sad to see the most delightfully colored phone in the world now trying its hardest to be three separate devices—a super convenient lithium ion battery with torn ribbon cable, an extra gorgeous 4 inch display whimsically clinging to the rest of the phone and of course the most beautiful cold dead yellow shell of my once beloved phone. After berating my husband for his $800 temper tantrum, I found the nearest phone I could—a BlackBerry Bold 9900—and went to Walmart to buy a new sim card for the BlackBerry.

Fuck that shit.

I was going to try to live with the BlackBerry, but I realized almost immediately that it wasn’t going to happen. The once loved keyboard was something I just didn’t want to relearn how to use. And many typos later, including the most delightful “keyboarf,” I found myself in the T-Mobile store checking out new phones. I wanted a new iPhone but I also didn’t. I didn’t want to spend the money on another one. I decided to give something else a chance, something I’d once tried before because it was the closest thing I could get to an iPhone at the time—I bought an android phone.

This was easily one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. (OK. I exaggerated that last one, but just go with it.) There I was staring at a gorgeous Nexus 5 thinking to myself how terrible it would be, and just knowing how much I would miss the seamless integration of my iPhone with my computers at home. It stared back at me, right into my soul.

I bought that mother fucker, and I love it. I didn’t think I could, but I can.

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What your blog says about you: Mistakes you didn't know you were making.

I’ve been blogging for a long time, and as such I’ve pretty much seen and done it all. Back in 2002 when I started blogging—at the age of 12—I made every mistake in the book. (OK, there is no book…but if there was…I’d have been the subject of that mother fucker.) Unsurprisingly, I see new bloggers making the same mistakes I did and wondering where their viewers are, and why they aren’t getting comments.

If an official blogging handbook existed, rule number one would probably be “Be Interesting.” The truth is, it takes years to build up a readership, and maintaining it can be difficult, but it is possible as long as you’re interesting. Unless you’ve already made it as a blogger, nobody wants to see or read about your lunch or your kids or various other mundane topics in your life. Your lunch doesn’t make anyone want to come back and see more of your work. The only thing you, your blog and your lunch have in common is that your lunch is turning into actual shit inside of you and on your blog as you write about and publish it. It isn’t interesting. Coincidentally, a post with more photos of your children than paragraphs isn’t going to incite awe and wonder in potential readers either. Not even mommy bloggers publish as many photos of their children as I’ve been seeing lately on a lot of “Lifestyle Blogs”—cut that shit out.

If you’re guilty of these things you might be thinking that it’s OK, because you blog for you and not for anybody else. Unfortunately, if that was true you really wouldn’t be reading this.

Blog memes and weekday themes are another thing I see a lot of that aren’t going to generate more readers for your blog. They’re cheap content. I am also guilty of participating in “Wordless Wednesdays” and cheap survey type posts among other things and they did nothing to benefit my blog. Sure, every now and then a post that is only a photo might be beneficial to break up the wall of text that some blogs become—but is it doing anything more than creating cheap filler? No. Don’t rely on it. Also, that 50 question survey? I might comment on it but you can be damn sure I didn’t read it and I’m only doing it to leave my link behind.

Consistency is key. I find that the times when my blog is most active I have the most visits. Right now, I’m coasting on traffic regarding pine needle cleanup but I know that after January all of the pine needles will be gone and it won’t matter how high I am on the search results about pine needles stuck in carpets. If you blog often, you will get better at it and your visitors will keep coming back because they will expect new content on every visit.

Lastly, proof read. If you want me to take you seriously but your blog reads like a 5th grader’s creative writing homework you’re insane. My eyes roll a little further back into my head each time I see an uncapitalized “I” or the misuse of there, their and they’re. You’re a blogger, and bloggers are short format writers. Act like one.

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It's OK, we can laugh.

I sat down to blog last week, because it had been so long since the last time I’d done it. I remember writing something about responsible website owners and how they update often and how I don’t even update on a monthly basis, it would appear. I wrote about my anniversary and how much fun Levi and I had had. I wrote about our lunch, it was delicious.

But… none of those things felt right to write about. But what is right to write about?

I don’t want to write about the seemingly infinite sadness I’ve fallen into, the tears I cry when I think about never seeing my mother again, the fact that I share more text messages with my husband than actual words these days, and my inability to get out of bed until noon. It’s not all sadness, I have good days but even on my good days there is always something to remind me of everything I’ve lost. Nothing seems right anymore.

I think the worst thing is how people react when I talk about my mother, how they cringe and squirm as if they want to avoid something uncomfortable. I’m not uncomfortable, why should they be? My mother was a very happy person. I hope that one day, like her, I’ll be able to still laugh and find happiness in the little things even with all of the shit that life finds a way to fling. I hope that one day I will be able to be as amazing as my mother was. I hope that one day I’ll be able to talk and joke about my mother without the apologies and condolences and prayers and thoughts.

A week or two ago I found the receipt from my mother’s funeral.

On the bottom is printed “THANK YOU!!! PLEASE COME AGAIN!!!”

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