Levi broke my phone. (Broke is probably more closely described as obliterated, but in an attempt to minimize hyperbole I chose to write broke. Deal with it.) It’s no secret to anybody that I loved my yellow iPhone, so much that I paid for it unsubsidized even though I had a perfectly good iPhone before I bought it. (I hope that sentence didn’t annoy you as much as it annoyed me. Yeah, I’m that guy.) But it’s all over now. What started as a small lover’s quarrel quickly turned into a spectacle involving one banana colored telecommunications device flying through the air to its doom.
It was sad to see the most delightfully colored phone in the world now trying its hardest to be three separate devices—a super convenient lithium ion battery with torn ribbon cable, an extra gorgeous 4 inch display whimsically clinging to the rest of the phone and of course the most beautiful cold dead yellow shell of my once beloved phone. After berating my husband for his $800 temper tantrum, I found the nearest phone I could—a BlackBerry Bold 9900—and went to Walmart to buy a new sim card for the BlackBerry.
Fuck that shit.
I was going to try to live with the BlackBerry, but I realized almost immediately that it wasn’t going to happen. The once loved keyboard was something I just didn’t want to relearn how to use. And many typos later, including the most delightful “keyboarf,” I found myself in the T-Mobile store checking out new phones. I wanted a new iPhone but I also didn’t. I didn’t want to spend the money on another one. I decided to give something else a chance, something I’d once tried before because it was the closest thing I could get to an iPhone at the time—I bought an android phone.
This was easily one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. (OK. I exaggerated that last one, but just go with it.) There I was staring at a gorgeous Nexus 5 thinking to myself how terrible it would be, and just knowing how much I would miss the seamless integration of my iPhone with my computers at home. It stared back at me, right into my soul.
I bought that mother fucker, and I love it. I didn’t think I could, but I can.