I’m conducting an experiment on ways to get my ass out of bed in the morning.

I’ve let myself sleep in until noon for far too long, and it’s time I start taking charge in my life to get myself out of the canyon I’m stuck in. I usually wake up when my back tells me, and then lay in bed until I can’t snooze any longer—usually leaving myself 20 minutes to walk the dog, take a shower and then get the fuck out of the house and into the car. I’m fairly certain this is not how adults should be going about their lives, and it isn’t healthy either. I’ve been depressed without my husband here—as anyone in my situation would be—but this pattern every day isn’t helping in the least bit.

Cue the experiment.

I have set two alarms for myself, both to go off at seven in the morning—one on the clock on windowsill above my bed, just out of reach and the other on my phone on the other end of the room. My reasoning is that I can’t just turn off my alarm and go back to sleep if there is more than one, both out of reach and on opposite ends of the room. I’m fairly certain I’m some kind of genius. I really need this to better myself, because I’m tired of feeling like a lazy slob and first thing in the morning is the best place to start. This also gives me an excellent excuse to make myself some chai tea every morning—which I absolutely fucking love.

This morning I got out of bed at noon, and had to be somewhere at one—never again.