I think I hate children right now.

I just watched some jerk kid kick my car. I walked into my bedroom to open the window blinds to let some light in, and there he was walking along—a pasty, ginger, child. I didn’t think anything of it until he turned ever so slightly, kicked my car and than continued on down the sidewalk—likely to kick every other car in his path. I would never have known this was happening, if I didn’t have the idea in my head that window blinds must be open during daytime hours to let the light in—even if nobody is in that room. The very thing that I do to make me a little happier during the day, ended up stabbing me in the back today.

I don’t have a very nice car. In fact, it’s about as barebones as a car can get in 2013—but it’s mine, and I don’t like when children kick it. (Honestly, I should say I don’t like when anybody kicks it.) It isn’t because I don’t want the paint ruined or anything, I gave up on that after I had the front bumper torn off in a fender bender. (I caused the fender bender, but an alloy rim caused all of the damage. I’m a terrible driver.) I just don’t want people to kick or touch my car. It was expensive. (I should say that it *is* expensive, because I’m still paying for it.)

I went to open the blinds while taking a tiny break from blogging to get some water. I was originally going to blog about my ugly chair, because a commenter asked for me to post a photo of it. Well, you can’t just post a photo of a chair without a story behind it, so I was trying to come up with one. I guess I could say that the jerk child who kicked my car gave me something to blog about, and an adequate story behind the photo of my chair that is going to be at the end of this entry—but my outlook on life is not that positive.

I kind of just want that kid to fall off of a bike or stub a toe or something right now. How old am I?

That fake leather upholstery job is just begging to be torn off.
That fake leather upholstery job is just begging to be torn off.

*This post has been submitted to [Dude Write](http://www.dudewrite.com “Dude Write”), a weekly competition between man bloggers.*


  1. Jenn says:

    Whether your car is worth $13,000 or $1,300, it’s your car, your property, and that stupid kid had no right to be a disrespectful piece of shit and put his hands — or in this case, feet — on something that doesn’t belong to him. If that were me, and I was caught in one of my ragey moods, I would have ran out the door after him and given him a verbal lashing the entire neighborhood would have heard. I would then tell him I’d be calling the police, right then and there, if he didn’t take me to his parents’ house so I could inform them of their doing. Overkill? Maybe, but clearly we have to do a little more to make up for the less-than-stellar parenting that takes place at home.

    Oy. Sorry for the rant. You have my condolences. My car is 10 years old, has 133,000 miles on it, and is worth, MAYBE, $1100. But still, goddammit, it’s MINE, just as your car is YOURS.

  2. Randi says:

    EVERYTIME I come here, I find something that makes my sides hurt from laughing so hard. The entire first paragraph was priceless but what really did me in was, “I kind of just want that kid to fall off of a bike or stub a toe or something right now.” I nearly peed.

    I would have followed him to his house and either kicked him or his parent’s car. Or, just keep an eye out for him and toss eggs towards him. Or you could just approach him in a dark alley and tell him, “Gingers have no souls.”

    Either way, I’d suggest keeping your blinds open during the day. You might be surprised by what you see. lol

  3. Bryan Jones says:

    The little shit! You must have been tempted to go out and give him a slap. Some one (unknown) scratched my car with the edge of a coin last year, As another commenter has already said, it is irrelevant how much the car is worth – it is the principle that we should keep our hands of other people’s property.

  4. chubby Chatterbox says:

    This would be a great time to have a pit bull and a leash just long enough for the dog to get close enough to this kid to make him piss on himself.

  5. Ken says:

    When I was a kid, I’m quite certain there were days when I got a smack, on the off chance that I might do something stupid.

    I think something like that may have prevented things like this from happening?

  6. Why is it that your posts always make me laugh so much?

    What is it about kids that make it justifiable to kick a car? Especially if nobody sees? Doesn’t that make it even worse? Like, the antithesis of doing-the-right-thing-when-nobody-is-looking?

    I’m so glad that you’re a part of Dude Write.

    Youngman Brown recently posted…Through the Eyes of My NephewMy Profile

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