At least two of my readers were disappointed that I wasn’t actually not wearing pants in my last entry. (Fuck grammar, y’all.) I am not sure if I should appease them by posting an actual photo of me not wearing pants, or if I should leave the pants on. That last sentence is a lie, the pants are staying on for photos. (No, seriously. Though if it’s any consolation I regularly don’t wear pants while blogging. It’s kind of my thing. OK, that one isn’t true either. Or…is it? You’ll never know, I’m full of lies tonight. I may, or may not, be wearing pants—or in the spirit of that first sentence, I may not, or may, be not wearing pants. Figure that one out on your own.)

I hope that last paragraph was enough to distract you all from the fact that literally all I did today was drink various forms of chai tea and drive around. The tea made it so that I didn’t die from falling asleep behind the wheel because last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning because I was watching Netflix all night and almost all morning because I like watching it. That’s not as bad as the night before when I stayed up until 4 in the morning playing Mario because there was this one level that I just had to beat because I had seen the flag and it literally took me 90 fucking lives—and a restart so I could get all of my lives back—to finally beat it. When I finally did beat it, it opened up a path the the same damned mushroom house we had already unlocked. I get all twitchy and angry when I hear that god awful noise that Mario makes when he dies. Want to see me rage? Make that your ringtone.

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Like a boss, mother fucker.
P.S. I’ve since collected two of those damned star coins from that level.

P.P.S. I’m bitter.

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