Today I went to the store because I was out needed more of the barbecue sauce that I need to make the dinner I am making tonight. I wouldn’t have needed more except that I accidentally dumped a ton of garlic powder onto the food, and I needed more sauce to cover up the garlic fail. I couldn’t scoop the garlic out, because it was soaking into my already piddly amount of barbecue sauce. The garlic was probably a blessing in disguise, because this food kind of needs more barbecue sauce than what I put into it anyway.

Can blessings come in the form of too much garlic and not enough barbecue sauce? Am I offending somebody by assuming they can? I’m probably being an insensitive dick right now, but whatever — my dinner is going to be delicious now because Jesus probably made me put too much garlic in it. He, clearly, is concerned with how delicious my food should be.

If it seems like I’m being cryptic about what this food actually is, it’s because I am. Part of this blog post is happening because I need to blog today. The other part is happening because I haven’t told Levi what we’re having for dinner yet — partly because I want to surprise him with food, but mostly because I’m an asshole who enjoys toying with him. Maybe I shouldn’t admit that. Eh.

I also probably put too much cayenne pepper in our food. I should probably have scooped some of it out, but I am feeling adventurous. I believe the correct term for this nowadays is “YOLO.” I’m not sure spicy, overly garliced, mystery food is what the people who coined the phrase “YOLO” intended for its use. But, then again, I’m not entirely sure those people thought far enough into the future to determine what its intended use should be. In fact, those people probably died in some horrible accident — possibly associated with the consumption of spicy, overly garliced, mystery food.

P.S. Barbecue is spelt with a “c” you guys, and not a “q.” Spell check teaches me something new every day.