Today I tried to bathe the cat. She didn’t like this very much, which I knew was going to be the case, but I had hoped her reaction to touching water wouldn’t have been so dramatic. As soon as her feet touched the water, claws were out and she was flailing. At this point, I wished I had shower doors so I could have thrown her in with a bar of soap and let her work it out on her own. I can’t really close the shower curtain, because I’m pretty sure she can climb up it.

My mistake was thinking that Bella would ever be OK with being put in water. What was going through my head was those adorable photos of wet cats you see on the internet. You know, the ones where the cats are soaking wet and staring at you like they’re going to kill you. Bella wasn’t like this at all. I thought, maybe, that she would all like “Oh hey, this water shit is wet. I’m going to sulk in it and accept my fate because I’m docile and not paranoid at all.” This is the same cat that almost cut Levi’s nipple off when I closed a recliner, obviously she wasn’t going to be all docile about that bath shit.

Soon after putting her in the water she ran away as fast as she could. This wouldn’t have been an issue, except that my dumb self decided that it was a good idea to get on my knees while introducing her to the water — this put my neck at the proper level to be used as a jumping off post and, trust me, it was used. I gave up after the second attempt to bathe her, because I would rather have a smelly cat than a dead. I think I’ve learned my lesson.

After I didn’t bathe Bella, I threw Megatron in the bath. She doesn’t like baths either, but she puts up with them a lot better than Bella. There is no talon flailing with Megatron, though if you don’t pay attention she does sometimes jump out of the bath. The jumping out part is pretty terrible, because immediately following the landing is the “OMG I’m wet, shake it all off!!” dog shower. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often.

I don’t know if Bella will ever trust me again. Megatron loves everyone so I’m not concerned about her.

Here is a photo of my pets, just because. As you can see, Bella is keeping her distance and probably plotting her escape out the back door to which I say: Good luck with the giant spiders, jerk. Megatron is just sulking, because it’s super difficult being adorable and having to wear a cone is the absolute worst thing that can ever happen to anybody.