Great Success! I can already feel myself becoming spatial anomaly thin as I type this. As you’ve hopefully already discerned, I went to the gym today. It wasn’t for very long, and I didn’t do very much but it happened, and that is all that matters. If you have been a reader of my blog for a while you already know that a few months ago I dropped 60 pounds. Well, I am slightly ashamed to say this, I gained 30 of those pounds back over time and have been sitting at a stable 230 pounds ever since.

Most of the weight gain was due to my inability to control myself when I eat. I literally impale myself with whatever is in front of me. (Please don’t feed me anything sharp.) For a long time I was doing really well at controlling myself by religiously counting my calories. When I got down to my goal weight I stopped counting the calories because it was tedious, I had just gotten a new phone — the BlackBerry version of the same app was awful — and I thought I had trained myself well enough to eat reasonably. At first, it wasn’t so bad, I gained a few pounds but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t comfortable with managing. I think where I went wrong, was that without counting calories I would tell myself “I don’t think I’ve had too much today, I can have this little snack.” and I would tell myself this multiple times per day. Eventually I deluded myself into thinking I could stop eating salads every day and have french fries.

Part of me wonders if my job at the time was helping me gain weight, or at least setting the wheels in motion. Having held a job in the fast food industry at the time, it was always easy for me to make bad choices. After a bad day of work, nothing felt better than consuming a chicken sandwich covered in BBQ sauce with french fries — also covered in BBQ sauce. (I love BBQ sauce, don’t judge me.) When I was counting calories, it was easy to stop myself because I knew how much I should and shouldn’t be eating — without the counting, I would find myself making bad choices during lunch and then repeating them during dinner. Unfortunately, when I left my job these habits didn’t stop. I kept eating the same way, I still don’t count calories, and I get much less exercise than I used to. I don’t think anyone will deny that working in fast food is an excellent way to get in some exercise. There were times when I would literally run around the store to make shit happen.

I’m now facing the consequences of my actions, by having to re-lose the worst part of the 60 pounds I took off before. The first 30 pounds were super easy, almost every day showed weight loss. The last 30 gradually became harder and harder, until I would only be losing 1-2 pounds every other week or so. It was extremely frustrating, and I told myself I never wanted to go through it again.

Maybe I need to start listening to myself.