Everyone has some sort of flaw about them – even me. (Though I must admit, I am so close to perfect that I don’t have too many….) You believed that last bit, right? All joking aside, one of my biggest flaws is that I don’t like to discuss certain things about myself in public. Most of these things I won’t discuss tend to gravitate towards the nerdy side of me. (You know, the side of me that grew up installing alternative operating systems on my computers, compiling software, enjoying Japanese cartoons, and playing video games.) A lot of my friends don’t know this side of me – for most of them, I am a very normal person with a very normal photography hobby and thats it.
The reason for this, is that I get embarrassed to talk about the other things that interest me – so much so that, when these things come up in conversation I tend to just shut up and listen. Even if I have an opinion, and everyone knows always I do, I will not voice it on certain subjects. One of my biggest interests that I find shameful is World of Warcraft. Part of this, I feel, is related to the reactions some of my friends had to my playing of the game in college. They went so far as to say that it destroys families. Looking back on it, I can understand that they were joking around, but that sort of thing sticks with you – especially when you’re by yourself, trying to make friends in a desolate cow town.
World of Warcraft is not the only interest of mine that I tend to be ashamed of. I have an exhaustive collection of alternative and contemporary music that I don’t tend to talk about, as well as a love for main stream pop artists like Lady GaGa. You might be quick to judge, and to question how a modern contemporary artist like Florence + the Machine can exist peaceably in the same playlist as Lady GaGa, but know this: It works.
Music, like World of Warcraft, is not the only thing I enjoy but am afraid to admit. On top of all of this, I have a deep seated love of technology and software. If you were to open up my iPhone and look at the blogs I subscribe to, you would find that I have two categories: Photography, and Technology. In my teenage years, I followed the development of computer operating systems like Ubuntu and their desktop environments constantly – even contributing to the projects through blogging about and testing prerelease software and reporting issues. These days my attention span is a bit more broad, but I still like to see where the development of modern software and technology is heading – I probably check my tech blogs at least 100 times a day.
The last thing I would like to talk about, that I am usually afraid and ashamed to talk about is this blog. Even my closest friends don’t know I have a blog. My immediate family, and some distant relatives know, but I don’t usually tell my friends. If they find out, it’s because they clicked a link on my Facebook. (Sometimes I link it on my twitter account, which is linked with my Facebook.) It is strange, I know, that I can blog about pretty personal things and then let complete strangers see them but the thought of a friend seeing it is a bit scary to me. In fact, I have censored a lot of this post already knowing that I will be linking it to my twitter account after I hit the publish button.
Out of all of my flaws, I have to say that this is one of my biggest. I have a lot of friends, but none of them really know a lot about me. I rely on my outward personality to meet and make new friends but I never let them see who I really am for fear of judgement. I’d like to think that I am better than that, but I’m not. To end this on a more positive note, I think it’s time for change.